It’s the final edition of “The Editorial” for 2009 – the yuletide version. As you know ‘tis the season for infomercials as people try to sell you everything you don’t need for Christmas, Hanukah or whatever else you might be considering celebrating this year. To be forewarned is to be forearmed so let me break down for you the piece of communication genius most commonly used to suck you in to the credit card free-for-all.

Obviously once you know and understand this communication device you can spread the information far and wide in order to help other poor unfortunate souls or you can keep it yourself and apply this simple technique to suck others in to buying whatever junk you are pedaling this festive season! Either way Merry Christmas to you and yours!

How Curiosity Sold the Cat

“How many of you have had one of those wonderful, large breakfast muffins from a great bakery? (Brett smiles and nods taking out a wonderful bakery-quality muffin and holding it up high as a demo.) And how many of you have made muffins in your own home, but no matter what you do they never turn out as great as that wonderful muffin from that great bakery? You know how it is… the top is pretty much like the bottom and all of it is depressingly soggy and uninspiring compared to what you get in the bakery. Well, friends and neighbours, what if I told you that there’s one simple, secret ingredient, that you can add to your muffins to get those luscious professional bakery tops? That’s right just one, simple, secret ingredient!

What’s more, what if I told you that the simple, secret ingredient is not only inexpensive but also probably sitting in your home in your refrigerator right now? In fact, I baked this muffin (the one I was holding up previously) in my own oven, just this morning with that very same secret ingredient. Mmmmmm, looks great doesn’t it?

But if you don’t know the secret muffin ingredient, then you can’t make ‘em this way and you will keep having to pay more for your muffins from the bakery. You will never have the pleasure of taking out of your own oven a perfect, mouth-watering, crusty muffin that will please your stomach and impress your friends. (At this point I take a bite of my home-baked muffin and watch you all salivate.) But, hang on, what if I shared this simple, inexpensive secret with you and helped you become the muffin hero of your community and put an end to those expensive trips to the bakery once and for all. Brett, I hear you say, that is crazy talk – why would you just give away that information – why I would pay thousands to be Muffin Royalty! Because I care and I want to help you – you have carried this burden of muffin failure too long. But I only want to help you so call me now and I will tell you the secret to muffin greatness that your bakery doesn’t want you to know!**

Any of this sound familiar to you? It sounds like all those infomercials you hear around this time of year doesn’t it? And yet, I am willing to bet that a lot of you really want to know what that secret ingredient is. Want to know why?

It is because I created curiosity by highlighting a gap between what you know and what you don’t know. These gaps cause us a kind of pain and we have to fill them. Now, it wasn’t just a matter of asking a question – there is a lot more to it than that.

Firstly, I highlighted something that you already knew – the wonderful experience of that crusty muffin top from a high-end bakery. People like to know more about things that they already know something about. Secondly, I pointed out to you something that you do not know – how to make crusty muffins of your own with a secret ingredient already in your fridge. Thirdly, I highlighted the consequences of that gap – if you don’t find out the secret ingredient you will never make great muffins in your own home and have to go on spending more money.

It is simple and it works and if you look around you will see lots of examples of this same three-step ‘curiosity gap’ process clogging up your credit card statements and gathering dust on your shelves.

** The answer, by the way, is to replace the oil in the muffin recipe with yoghurt (I couldn’t stand your pain)

Why Santa is Out of Touch

Such are the lows that society has now sunk to that within the Santa Claus persona, you have an example of almost every type of political incorrectness possible.

As evidenced by his leather belt and boots with white fur trim, he advocates the murder of animals and the pilfering of their skins for his own adornment. He exploits the vertically challenged, forcing elves into non-union labour conditions similar to Third World countries. He’s happy to have Mrs Claus shackled to her cold, isolated home, bogged down in patriarchal oppression and never fulfilling her potential. Apparently unaware of good nutrition and the need for an exercise regimen, he’s overweight and has rosy cheeks (the sign of an alcohol problem or hypertension) and ignoring smoking bans everywhere, he puffs away on his pipe.

Like Homeland Security in the USA, Santa Claus keeps a list of everyone who has been acting in accordance with his wishes, assuming he knows the difference between bad and good. He is a pervert (he sees you when you’re sleeping, after all), and he breaks into houses at night to vandalize them by littering them with boxes and paper. He exploits rare flying reindeer as a mode of transportation, forcing them to travel around the entire world in just one night!

His coming is used as a tool of parental control, and he encourages greed among children. Fulfilling his own middle class guilt (perhaps just a pawn of the media-driven toy dynasty), he hands out toys, encouraging a dependency on the false comforts of a materialistic world.

Above all, he’s a white male. Need we say more?

But there is the flip side. He is an active person who defies ageist stereotypes. He has come to terms with his own body image. He gives without expecting anything in return. He is environmentally friendly, conserving energy driving a non-gasoline-powered vehicle. He doesn’t require government funding. And, best of all, he gives without regard to race, creed, colour or national origin.